Worth it
by ladybug114
Summary: "As he stands in his cell, awaiting his fate, he looks back in time and remembers."


**A/N: My first story, finally! hopefully it's not that bad... well, you should read it and find out!**

As he stands in his cell, awaiting his fate, he looks back in time and remembers.

He remembers when he joined Her service. He thought, at the time, that he would never actually see one. After all, no one ever had. So when he agreed to serve Her, he didn't imagine that his loyalty would ever be put to the test.

He remembers the day that this notion, this foolish idea, was proven wrong. It was snowing, as usual, so he had his umbrella with him and his bright red scarf around his neck. He had just been to the market, and his arms were full of packages. He had just come to the clearing and the lamp post when he heard them. Footsteps. He was startled, but even more so when he saw her. A daughter of eve.

He remembers that the only thing he thought of was doing what he had been told. So he immediately extended courtesies, asking for her name and giving his own. Then he had led her to his own humble dwelling, fully prepared to do his duty.

But as he made their tea, she talked to him. And this girl, this human, was young and kind and full of life. And as she talked, he found it harder and harder to do what he had been told. How could he, to someone so innocent?

He remembers, and regrets, deciding to hold his own fate in higher importance than hers. He knew the price that traitors paid, and he never wanted to experience the punishment. But then, as his tea and pipes began to work on the girl, she complimented him. She, who had only just met him, told him that he was nice and good. And it broke his heart.

He remembers the regret that came in tears, waking her. He confessed what he had done, and still she was not angry. He would have turned her in, yet she carried no grudge. He had almost taken everything from her, but she gave him three things. Joy, hope, and a handkerchief.

He remembers leading her through the snow, back to where he found her. There was no conversation or laughter, only silence and anxiety. So different from before. They parted at the lamp post, leaving him with only her handkerchief and a memory of happiness.

He remembers how the happiness left as quickly as it had come. Somehow, She learned of his deception. And She came for him. His home was ransacked, destroyed for his crimes. Her soldiers, the cruel wolves, left behind almost nothing where he once lived. Only the rubble and a notice to warn others considering the same crime he committed.

He remembers thinking only of the girl as he was dragged to Her palace. Hoping that she would not come back, would not bring her brothers and sister to his cursed homeland. But somehow, deep in his heart, he knew that she would come back. And that maybe, just maybe, she could make a difference. And somehow, thinking these things made the journey less frightening.

He remembers the days that followed. When She refused even to see him, condemning him to a cold bare cell. He was given little water and not much food, barely enough to keep him alive. And to make things worse, the water was warm and dirty, and the food was old and moldy. But it kept him alive. It showed that She didn't want to kill him, at least not yet.

But now, he hears the padding steps that can only be Her servants. And he knows that his day has come at last. As he is dragged to Her throne room, he knows that things would have turned out very differently if he had only done his job. He would have been remembered as a hero, not a traitor. But the girl... His thoughts keep returning to her. If he had done his job, she would be the one dragged to her death. And, for a reason he couldn't understand, he couldn't bear the thought of that girl in Her clutches.

And then the truth hit him. His decision had made her more important than his own life. And so when She prepared to change him like She had so many others, he knew something deep inside his heart.

To him, she was worth it. And she would be, every time.

**A/N: (yes, another one...)  
****so, hopefully it wasn't very confusing... I don't really know why I wrote it like this, that's just how it sounded in my head! but for clarification, this is Tumnus's POV. and capitalized female pronouns would be Jadis, lowercase female would be Lucy.  
****reviews would be awesome, because this is my first story EVER! tell me what you liked and what was awful!**


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